In order to manage stress, you must make time for yourself. That means you must be your number one priority above all other people; that includes family and friends! (God is #1, you are #2). The most stressed out people don’t have their priorities straight. I had failed at that for many years. Why, because women, in particular, are taught to put others first. We are the caregivers and nurturers. We give birth, feed and care for our children, partners, and parents, and have careers, too. The mantra of: You can have it all has been a major source of stress for most women. We end up putting everyone and everything first and ourselves last. That can lead to burnout, depression, and illness.
The answer is: 1) analyze your current situation. You know what causes you stress. 2) Now, it is time for you to list what gives you joy and peace in life. This is where I kept falling back into old habits of everyone else first. Now, after studying, researching, and living it, I know it is not only right, but essential that I put myself first in order to be able to take care of myself, my husband, my parent, and enjoy a happy and productive life that I have chosen. Helping others is good and it is rewarding, but not when it is at the expense of draining your time, energy, and health.
Following is my list of what gives me peace and joy; you will notice my list may be different than yours and that is expected. It is because some of us are extroverts and some are introverts. (Read Why You Act the Way You Do, by Tim La Haye. Take the personality quiz at www.smalley.cc) We all have thousands of different interests and that is ok, and it is good. Now this is the fun part. It gives me joy just to read my list because it instantly carries me to those places that I enjoy the most:
- Gardening and landscape design
- Being outside in nature: trees, flowers, ocean, sunsets, the smell of clean air
- Living with a rescue dog and cat
- Living near water: seeing it and hearing it swish around rocks at the shoreline
- Hiking among forests overlooking waters with my dog, and my husband
- Wildlife: watching our resident eagles and hearing them screech to each other; spotting otters, seals and orcas as they cavort in the waters of Admiralty Inlet
- Sunsets over the Olympic Mountains and the San Juan Islands
Lessons Learned:
- It is important to put yourself first by saying no to people and events if they make you stressed and take up your personal time.
- It is life changing to find out who you are and plan your life to take you in that direction.
- Meditation and mindfulness are keys to making time for yourself so you can get to know yourself. (www.yogalodge.com)
My book, Happy Tales is full of how I found my way and how I live in mindfulness every day. I thought it out; I planned it; I made my choices, and I took the actions to make it happen. You can, too! Now it is your turn!
Sunset over Port Townsend, 2016
One of my Zen gardens
Abby and Abe’s eaglets, 2014
