Once you know what/who triggers your stress, you can write down a plan to respond in a new way when stress hits you. Remember, people and situations won’t change until you change; and people may not change even if you change; but you can change: how you respond, how you feel, and how you go forward, regardless of what others do.

For example, I know my husband loves science fiction movies and auto racing on TV, and he likes the volume turned up very loud. Because our house has an open floor plan, I can’t work in my office when my husband’s watching TV. Instead of arguing and trying to change him, I focused on the fact that I love and respect him. (Reading books by Thich Nhat Hanh, How to Relax, and Peace is Every Step, helped me. Plumvillage.org That made it easy for me to calmly discuss the situation with my husband and accordingly we found a solution that satisfied both of us; we purchased comfortable headphones my husband can wear watching his programs, and I can do whatever I want in the house in a calm, blissful state of mind.

Another example is my job as caregiver/provider for my mom who is 96, and lives in assisted living. I do her laundry and grocery shopping for her breakfast items and miscellaneous needs. Even though her breakfast is provided and paid for at her facility, she stays in her room until 11 a.m. She could get her breakfast items in advance from the kitchen, but she will not do it. It is a little thing that has been a thorn in my side for three years. Instead of feeling agitated over it, resenting it, or arguing with her, I have chosen to accept it. I have chosen to remember how she lived on a tight budget for many years when I was growing up, and how she and Dad put me through college. So, now as I run her errands, I plan something for myself. I focus on, and look forward to, a cup of tea with two squares of dark chocolate and an orange when I get home. Also, I might make a stop at a plant shop and spend time looking at the beautiful flowers and feel the ambiance of being in nature. I play my favorite CD in the car, singing along, and thinking about the next day trip I have planned to the beach.

Lessons Learned: I remind myself every day to keep my priorities straight:

1) God first. (joycemeyer.org) Am I leading a life based on being a good person and following the Golden Rule?

2) Me second. Am I taking care of myself mentally, physically, financially, so I can continue to take care of family and pursue my own joys and purpose in life? Family and everything else is 3^rd, 4^th, 5^th, etc. I have to put my health and well-being before everyone else, otherwise I will wear myself out and suffer greatly.

3) Finally, what I always do first is breathe. I practice meditation/mindfulness as I go through my day, moment by moment.

Faced with any stress, I do the following:

1. Breathe (Mindfulness books. Plumvillage.org)
2. Accept (Deepak Chopra, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success. Chopra.com)
3. Make a plan to set boundaries (cloudtownsend.com) and diffuse the stressful situation

Mom and Me, Tulip Festival, Spring 2014

Skagit Valley Tulip Fields, 2014